Small acts kindness from an unexpected source
by andromache12
As a trauma survivor, I learned to be independent at a young age. Throughout my adult life, this has manifested as continued independence, self-reliance and a lack of expectation that other adults would go out of their way to be kind (to me). I am not talking about relatives or very close friends or health care providers. Yesterday, someone went out of his way to be nice to me. I had posted on facebook that I was contemplating starting to watch the series Mad Men, and was generally asking whether people thought it worth watching or not. My high school English teacher, with whom I had no contact after high school until friending him on facebook about 6 months ago, was part of the ensuing conversation in the comments section. Not only did he highly recommend it, but he wrote that he thought the special features/bonus section, available on DVD and not via streaming, were well worth watching. He then sent me a private message to ask whether I’d like him to send me the DVDs, as he had the first four seasons as a boxed set. Part of my brain went to the expected trauma-based response of ‘what is this person really asking/saying/wanting?’, but the other part of my brain was immediately touched by his kindness. Yes, that would be great, I told him. And then today he messaged me to ask whether I’d prefer USPS or UPS delivery. What a thoughtful gesture. The discs are already on their way via 2-day UPS.
For anyone who is reading this who knows that I, along with some other people who are connected through facebook, was worried about the disappearance from facebook of my high school English teacher after Hurricane Sandy, this is the same person. The reason for his disappearance was the lack of electricity for nearly two weeks (I think he had some flooding too, but not to the point of evacuating).
Awesome news….both for your traumatized self/ves and that you have found him unharmed!!!! So happy for you. This is great progress!!!!!
Thanks, nic! I was debating whether to put this post up at all, but inthe end, I thought that since isolation is one of my main trauma symptoms (as I imagine it is for others), this was a nice way for me to illustrate something that, although unexpected, lessened that isolation.
The little things really do matter don’t they? I’ve noticed that alot this week. I cling on to them with all I’ve got now because they’re what gets me through when things get tough. A smile from a stranger or a random ‘like’ on facebook – it sounds silly but it all makes you feel a little less alone in a world of isolation.
Yes, they really do matter. I think what I take note of is my own response to them – how amazed I am that someone is doing something nice for me. I’d like to think that a long-term life/therapy goal is to end up where most of the people with whom I am close are that type of person.
That’s a really nice goal to have
Thanks, JGT. One of these days when I have time and motivation to post, I’m going to make another post about something similar. It wasn’t a kind act done to me, but my supervisor was telling me about a schooling problem he is having with his high-school age daughter. As I listened to him describe the situation and how he responded to his daughter’s needs, I kinda got the same feeling as when someone does something nice for me. A thought like ‘oh, yes, it really would be nice if the world worked like that. And I want parents like him!’. A glimpse into a kinder, more respectful world than the ones in which abuse/interpersonal trauma is experienced.